Livin Lively

Pruning or Punishing?
Discerning God’s Purpose for My Pain
by Peggy Lively 

My husband and I had two beautiful, healthy children and desired to have another child. As we sought God’s will, we believed this was His desire for us as well. However, after a whole year of trying to get pregnant, there were still no results. This was a very difficult season of life for me, and I continually questioned why God was withholding this blessing. I blamed myself, believing that God must be disciplining me for some sin in my life. After almost a year and a half, I realized that God wasn’t disciplining me at all. I finally accepted that to the best of my ability, I was living in complete obedience to him. I then began to hear him speak to me through His word, “You need perseverance.” “We know that suffering produces perseverance,” (Romans 5:3) “You know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:3) Once I realized that God was pruning me and not punishing me, it was easier to accept the pain and the process. I didn’t know how long I would be in this place, but that was the point. I needed to keep persevering, not knowing how much further, but trusting God for His timing and His plan.

Bruce Wilkinson has some great insight on discipline and pruning in his book, Secrets of the Vine:

“If disciplining is about sin, pruning is about self. In pruning, God asks you to let go of things that keep you from His kingdom purposes and your ultimate good. Pruning is how God changes the picture of your life from a basket that is almost empty to a basket that’s starting to fill. Let’s be honest – pruning is cutting and cutting hurts.

Sounds a lot like being disciplined, doesn’t it? No wonder most Christians have trouble distinguishing between discipline and pruning in their lives. It all feels the same. But it isn’t.

Jesus wanted His disciples to be very clear about the difference. Why? Because the purposes of discipline and pruning are entirely different, and because the consequences of confusing them can be disastrous! Jesus knew that if His future followers misread the Vinedresser’s actions in their lives, they would come to the wrong conclusions about the Vinedresser’s purpose and plan.

I know. For years I struggled with anger and confusion because I mistook the process of pruning for discipline. When intense periods of distress seemed to lay siege to me, my family, or my ministry, I turned things upside down looking for the kind of major sin that would warrant the discomfort I was experiencing…I confessed every known sin and waited for relief. But when nothing changed, I frequently slipped into anger toward God, then into bitterness, then mistrust. The result was a break in my relationship with Him.

And here’s the distressing irony: Over time, those wrong reactions to pruning became a four-lane freeway that took me out of pruning and right back into God’s discipline.

What a vicious and unnecessary cycle! I see now that if I hadn’t finally grasped the difference, I could have been at odds with God for the rest of my life. But listen – vast numbers of Christians I talk to are stuck in the same misunderstanding, repeating the same detours, and getting the same painful results. In fact, I now believe that misreading God’s actions or motives in pruning is the number one reason mature Christians unnecessarily slide back into discipline.” (pages 62-64)

Pray that God would show you and speak to you through His word regarding His intentions for your pain. May you be able to discern His purpose and understand how He longs to lead you to a more fruitful life.